Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
