Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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