There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
