every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
