so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
