There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
