Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
