there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
