He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
