I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
