??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
