At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
