I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
