I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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