Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.