Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???