Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to