I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up