Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
