he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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