if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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