Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I intend to get homeless drunk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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