yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
