i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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