He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
