I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
