I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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