What a fucking waste of an outfit
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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