Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
