You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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