My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
