gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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