why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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