glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dicks are not precious.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
