Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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