she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
