hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
be right there i have to get my cape
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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