I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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