At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
