that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
