Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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