It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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