does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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