I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I supernannyed him into submission
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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