I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
