Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
