i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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