paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
