you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
