I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
