I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its not stalking. its research.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
