its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She said her name was "party"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
