his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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