week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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