just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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