Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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