YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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