I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
