Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
